Wednesday, September 8, 2010
I want a do over
There are days when everything seems to be going against me, and I want a do over. Start the day over, from scratch, make better decisions, better choices. Today was a day I want a do over with the boys. I struggle with thinking about where they are now, and if I could start over from birth, what I would do different. You won't know how badly you screwed up their lives, until it's too late. Is demanding they have a plenty of playtime and unstructured hours going to hurt them? Should I have had every hour accounted for? Should I have spent more time practicing reading and arithmetic, instead of letting them flood the sand box and make castles? Are they going to be behind because I wanted them to spend time painting and coloring instead of touching a computer? Will their creative and imaginative selves be applauded? Will it matter that they can tell you about Abraham Lincoln, but don't know anything about video games? I think children need lots of time to explore, create and dream, but is that unrealistic. I can't help comparing my boys to other children academically. I know it's wrong, but I do. No one wants their child singled out as the kid that doesn't get it. It would break my heart if they were teased about it. Do I have them in sports, even though I don't think the practices and games are beneficial to our family? Is it better to have them at a soccer game on Saturdays, instead of a family trip to a botanical garden in Milwaukee? What will they get more out of and remember as adults, that Mom wouldn't let me play soccer or that Mom took me to some neat places? Life is more competitive, stressful and rushed than it was when I was a child. Can I give them the childhood I want them to have, without causing problems in their adulthood? I wish I had the answers.