Eavesdropping

This was the conversation from the boys coming home from school today.
S: Is Aunt Mary a spy?
J: Why do you think she's a spy?
S: She wears black ALL the time.
J: No she doesn't, sometimes she wears purple. Mama, what are those boots she wears?
Me: Uggs.
J: Yeah, I don't like them.
S: She does too wear all black. She ALWAYS wears black sweatpants.
J: Sweatpants?
S: Yeah, she ALWAYS wears black sweatpants. And she has a tatoo on her foot.
J: Mama, do you know anybody with a tatoo?
Me: Yes, I know lots of people with tatoos. And, I hope you boys will never get a tatoo. And don't date anyone with one.
J: "C" wants to get a cross on her arm.
S: So you can't date her.
Me: Well, since she is nine, I think she has some time to think about it. And, since you are nine, I don't think you need to concern yourself about whom to date for quite a while.
J: Mama, what's sex?
Me: (Sweat appearing on my brow) Why are you asking?
J: I want to know.
S: It's when girls wiggle their butts around.
Me: (inside thinking-- Yikes, where's is this going? Where is a police car or dog or anything to use as distraction?!)
J: That's not it! I'm not sure I'm going to do it.
Me: So, we are having chicken enchiladas for dinner! Won't that be good?!
J: Are you going to tell me?
Me: So, um, how was your science test? Do you feel you were prepared? Wow, how about those Brewers?!

Now, is it five o'clock yet?!